Ron's Reflections

I think we can all agree that respectful yet candid debate is critical for high quality decision making as well as in creating robust strategy and plans. As leaders and participants in these discussions we can quickly shut down debate around a topic by using a couple simple phrases when responding to others ideas. The phrases “Yes, but” or “I agree, however” or some variation of those responses have a chilling effect on continued discourse. They signal to the other party “I heard you, I disagree, let’s move on” – effectively dismissing the validity, veracity, and value of their perspective. Rather than encouraging additional discussion, debate, and shared learnings those phrases bring the exchange to a quick close. These phrases are even more of a debate killer when the individual uttering those responses has more real or perceived power.

When presented with facts, data, ideas, or perspectives that challenge or contradict the prevailing thought, consider responding with questions instead of statements prefaced with “But” or “However”. 

Good questions achieve 2 objectives. First, they create a safe and inviting environment for continued exploration and debate. Second, great questions require critical thinking and reflection on the part of both parties resulting in shared learning. Questions allow the group to go on a journey of discovery actively considering alternate perspectives while identifying potential flaws in logic or gaps in knowledge. Great questions invite others into the conversation.

Every member of a group has rich and valuable experiences to draw upon – regardless of title, role, tenure in the organization or years of experience.  Our diversity provides us differing perspectives.  When we shut down debate, dialog, and exploration we forgo the benefit of those experiences and perspectives. 

Saying “Yes, but” or “I agree, however” places other individuals in a defensive posture when what we truly want is to have everyone in a learning mode – in a state of mind that is open to new ideas, requires critical thinking, and results in a better solution or decision. We are all social beings and observers of group dynamics; we learn and shape our future behaviors and responses based on our own experiences as well as the interactions we simply observe. 

Questions encourage dialog, debate, and shared learning.  Statements encourage defensive posturing and win-lose arguments.  Statements dismiss others ideas, experience, and perspective.  Questions put us in learning mode; they create a safe environment for candid exchange of perspective and ultimately result in better decisions. 

Words Matter. Choose your words wisely and be conscious on how you deliver them.

Hope you enjoyed the read.