Ron's Reflections

(image courtesy DALL-E)

Most of the time when we ask for feedback, what we are really looking for is ADVICE on what we could do better. As such, we should specifically ask for forward looking ADVICE, not backward facing FEEDBACK….So, Stop Asking for Feedback (article from HBR)

Why is feedback so ineffective? The main reason is because — true to its name — it is backward-looking. When someone gives you feedback, they’re anchoring themselves in the bygones and reflecting on your past behavior (the annual performance appraisal, the sales quarter that just passed, or the presentation you wrapped up). This makes it harder for you to focus on the future, because all you’ll hear about is how you screwed up or what didn’t go right, not how you should perform going forward. For this reason, feedback tends to be less actionable.

Of course, when you’re in the early stages of your career, it’s good to know where you went wrong or what’s lacking in your performance. But it’s more important is knowing how to make it better and improve. So focus on asking for advice instead of asking for feedback.

I would add that asking for advice puts you in a different frame of mind than asking for feedback… When we ask for feedback we are preparing ourselves for the negative.. when we ask for advice we are opening ourselves up, asking for help in how we can be even better in the future….

ADVICE ON TAKING ADVICE

In that vein, here is some Advice from a professor at Kellogg on How To Receive Advice.

We all need advice at various times and situations in our lives. We may need advice on career paths, personal development, financial decisions, relationships, health, life transitions, and dealing with crises in life. Good advice is rare, and it is a gift. But you must know how to receive the gift of advice. Taking advice is a life skill. Here is my advice on how to become better at taking advice:

1. Prepare to Embrace Advice: Would you be open to changing your course of action based on the advice you might get? If the answer is a firm no, then don’t take advice! Readiness to embrace advice means taking advice with the intent to understand and possibly act upon it. Recognize that advice is taken, not given.

2. Listen without Becoming Defensive: You must select advisors carefully. But once you do choose an advisor, trust them. Listen without being defensive. Remember that advice is for your growth, not to validate your current stance. Advice can be constructive even when it’s not what you want to hear.

3. Engage Proactively with Advisors: Cultivate relationships with advisors who can provide preemptive guidance, enabling you to receive insights even before you’re aware you need them. Sometimes, by the time you realize you need advice, it may be too late.

4. Get Just Enough Advice: Get enough advice so that you have a variety of perspectives and diversity of opinions, but not so much advice from so many people that you get confused and overwhelmed. More advice is not always better.

5. Understand that Advice is Biased: Every advisor sees the world through the lenses of their experience, their values, and their context. Use advice to understand the choices and the pros and cons of the decision options, but then apply your own preferences and values to the decision considerations. If an advisor says – “This is what I would do”, politely tell them that they are not you.

6. Reflect and Synthesize: After collecting advice, spend time to reflect. Synthesize the advice with your knowledge and values. Then, listen to your gut to decide the course of action. This will ensure that your actions combine the perspectives of advisors with your values and your goals.see less

Preparing for Feedback (and Advice)

Good article from HBR (Find The Coaching in Criticism) discussing how to be a better RECEIVER of feedback. As leaders we get a ton of training (and practice) on giving feedback. We get much less coaching and training on how to effectively receive and process feedback from those we coach, from our peers, or from those higher on the corporate ladder.

I especially liked the discussion on “triggers” that essentially prevent us from hearing and accepting the feedback.

Truth triggers are set off by the content of the feedback. When assessments or advice seem off base, unhelpful, or simply untrue, you feel indignant, wronged, and exasperated.

Relationship triggers are tripped by the person providing the feedback. Exchanges are often colored by what you believe about the giver (He’s got no credibility on this topic!) and how you feel about your previous interactions.

Identity triggers are all about your relationship with yourself. Whether the feedback is right or wrong, wise or witless, it can be devastating if it causes your sense of who you are to come undone.